Are you being cheated on? If you're having trouble leaving a destructive relationship even though you know your partner is cheating on you, learn why being brutally honest with yourself is your first priority.
1. Cheating is not really about sex - it is a betrayal of love, of friendship.
We often think of cheating as a sexual issue but it is really a character issue. This is why it is so hurtful. There is a basic unkindness to only thinking about yourself and what you want, a betrayal of the bonds of friendship.
Even if you have grown apart over the years, your partner has as much right as you to make decisions based on accurate information.
If you no longer want to be in a monogamous relationship, are not getting your needs met for whatever reason, you are obligated to tell the other person. This is the decent and right thing to do.
2. Has your partner accepted complete responsibility for this? - If not, leave.
There are NO excuses for cheating. Even if you have been is a "sexless" relationship for a long time, talked to your mate about this, and still nothing has changed - it is still not okay to cheat.
The only possibility to heal a "cheating" relationship is when the person who has cheated accepts full responsibility, with NO EXCUSES. Unless this happens, the lesson is never learned.
3. You have to decide if you want to forgive. - Only then is healing possible.
If you truly feel your partner is repentant, has learned the lesson, and this will never happen again.
There is no way to move forward unless you find a soft spot in your heart where you can forgive.
4. If you know you should leave and don't - what are the payoffs?
If you know the relationship is irretrievably broken and you stay anyway, because you are afraid to go, ask yourself if the payoffs are really worth it.
Expect to be cheated on again.
5. Taking care of your Self is the same as loving yourself.
If you don't love your Self, how can anyone else?
© 2009 by Chandra Alexander and Coaching for Authenticity, Inc. All Rights Reserved
Chandra Alexander
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Chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver twelve coaching sessions to the grand prize winner to their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest, Chandra Alexander, MSW, has been living and teaching authenticity for the last thirty years in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness.
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