Widow Loneliness, The Widow's Journey Through Loneliness

According to a recent poll on www.widowspath.com, the biggest issue facing widows is loneliness. Some widows speak of the loneliness of losing their best friend. For some, their spouse was their financial planner and support. For some widows their spouse was their business partner. Some widows speak of missing their spouse as the father of their children and how this adds to their feelings of loneliness as a result of losing their spouse.

Whatever the reason, loneliness can be a very painful experience for those who grieve. There is a huge empty space in a widow's life and especially in her heart. The world, both inside and outside, can feel and appear as a huge black hole.

The world of loneliness has been described as seeing the world in tones of gray rather than in full color. The heart of loneliness can feel either raw like an open wound or it can feel numb and almost dead.

Love feels totally unavailable and almost like a dream that no longer exists for those lonely with grief.

From this bleak place a widow begins her journey. And she may question whether she even wants to begin this journey.

How will the loneliness ever leave? Is it even possible? What will replace the loneliness? Will she forget him if she is not lonely anymore?

These deep feelings of loneliness and loss can become so prevalent that a sort of emotional paralysis sets in.

Sh where can a widow go from this bleak place of loneliness?

The loneliness of grief often moves the griever into frantic activity. This activity can manifest in various forms. Some explore new activities or volunteer. some widows throw themselves into their job or look for a hew job. Other widows take classes. There are still others who decide to try dating. And then there are the old standbys of escaping into music or TV or drinking or drugs.

While many of these activities are quite viable options for those seeking to move on with their lives after a loss, they can easily become escape vehicles from the pain of loneliness.

After struggling with this profound loneliness in my own life after the loss of my spouse I realized that my grief had moved me off my center. While I missed my spouse, I was also missing how I felt within myself when he was part of my life.

The relational nature of women seems to create a very porous connection between women and those they love. There is an open flow within the relationship of most women and whoever they are in relationship with.

When this connection is missing, there can be a real sense of feeling completely lost. There is no flow. There is only loneliness.

This loneliness can manifest as a huge empty space.

This loss of connection to self within the empty spaces of grief can be difficult to emerge from. The frantic search to fill these empty spaces from the outside usually does not bring the grieving widow back into connection with self. Activities take up time but that can be all that they do if the grieving widow is not aware of the reason for the need for activity.

Grief is really about the loss of a sense of self. While all losses can have this impact on the griever, I believe this is particularly difficult for widows because of the relational issues explained above.

The pain of grief is not only about the widow's loss of her spouse. The pain of grief is also about the loss of identity for the grieving widow.

Grief signals an opportunity to reconnect and rediscover ones own identity again. While this is truly the work of each individual, it becomes extremely crucial for grievers, especially widows.

Journaling, meditation, reading and studying are a few tools that can guide grievers back to their center. From this place of awareness widows can begin to find their way through and beyond their grief.