Shifting the Grief Healing Paradigm-Authentic Grief Healing

While grief healing is a universal experience, the mourning process varies from family to family and from culture to culture. What I am referring to as the mourning process are the rituals that most of us grow up with about how to behave and how to speak when confronted with the grief healing process.

In essence, mourning rituals can be referred to as habits or paradigms. These habits or rituals are usually not questioned. They fall into the same category as holiday rituals or work habits, etc.

While there is a certain level of comfort in doing what has always been done, there can also be discomfort or confusion if the ritual really does not resonate with those immersed in the actual grieving process.

In other words, doing and saying what has been the family or cultural standard in the past may really not feel authentic and real for those who are spiraling through their grief process.

One very common belief surrounding grief healing for many people is that..."it just takes time to heal grief."

Think back, if you have experience a loss, you have probably heard this or said this to someone else who is grieving.

Now, really allow yourself to feel your feelings about grief healing just taking time. Does this statement feel true for you? Does it make sense for you? Do you wonder how long is enough time for grief healing?

Do you know people who are still grieving after 10 or even 20 years? Do you also know people who seem to have moved beyond their grief in a very short period of time?

How can someone really be moving on in their life in just a few months? If it takes time, how can this be?

And what about those who grieve for 10 or even 20 years? Is that the "normal" time frame for grief healing?

And then, what about the very real fact that many experience of being able to instantly return to the moment their loved one passed as if it just happened. Does this mean they are still grieving?

My conclusion from personal experience and much contemplation is that grief healing is not at all about time. Grief healing has nothing to do with time. Grief healing is a process, a very personal and individual process. But this grief healing process needs to be nurtured and allowed to emerge without the shroud of the mourning cloak of the "shoulds" of past conditioning about the "appropriate" time to grieve.

Awareness is the first step in the grief healing process. The paradigms and habits of the past begin to break down when viewed through the eyes of honest questioning.

Authentic grief healing is possible when allowed to unfold naturally within the crucible of awareness and acceptance.