Dating as a widow can bring up many emotions. This article is written to provide dating tips for widows who are considering dating or for those who already may be involved in a relationship.
About a year after my husband passed I began feeling extremely restless. Although these restless feelings were confusing, they were at least a bit of relief from the heaviness of grief's deep sadness and depression.
Somehow, from this agitated state of displaced energy, I decided to try internet dating.
It took me awhile to figure out the mechanics, since I knew very little about computers at that time. I spent time organizing my profile information and coming up with a catchy tagline. I posted my profile and waited for responses.
Well, I really didn't wait. I was out there looking for my perfect companion is cyberspace.
I boldly responded to profiles of men that seemed like interesting dating prospects.
The emails led to some actual dates, even some more serious dating.
But something just didn't feel right. I realized that my restlessness which originally led to my decision to try dating was really but another phase of the grief process. My decision to try dating was really about my missing my spouse in a more deeply physical way.
I wasn't looking for another man. I was looking for my deceased spouse in other men. I was blinded by grief masked as dating energy. And I believe this was more evident to my dating partners than it was to me.
I realized that my restlessness was a form of protection for a deeper layer of my grief process. I was still lost in grief. It was simply wrapped up in a different package.
The pain of feeling my grieving body was so overwhelming that I believe my mind was searching for a way to disengage and somehow feel "normal" again.
While the desire to date can definitely be part of the move beyond grief, there is a need to really explore where one's feelings are coming from.
The desire to date can really signal that a new transformational process has occurred in the life of the griever. It's a powerful sign of willingness to move one's life forward.
Here are some questions that to help those widows considering dating.
1. Do you still feel lonely constantly
2. Are you able to be comfortable just spending time
alone?
3. If you are asked to describe your ideal dating
partner, would all the characteristics really be a
description of you deceased spouse?
There is no right or wrong answer to these questions. They are simply questions to give you more information about your most authentic feelings about dating as an option when healing from grief.
Dating as a widow can be rewarding but also complex. My hope is that these dating tips have added some tools for your decision making process.
Sandy Clendenen
Sandy Clendenen provides resources for widows who are ready to move forward in their life after losing their spouse.
For more information go to: www.widowspath.com
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