Do you think compromise is the solution for a troubled relationship? If your friends, family and therapist are telling you that compromise is the key to a successful relationship, it's important to understand that authenticity, not compromise, is the foundation of all solid relationships.
1. Compromise is useful for deciding dining or entertainment; not for what nourishes your soul.
- Chinese or Italian? A hockey game or a movie? These are the things we need to compromise on.
- When you compromise on being real that is the kind of compromise that hurts you and hurts the relationship.
2. You can't be for someone else what you do not want to be for yourself.
- When you "compromise" on things that make you feel bad about yourself, that is a bad compromise.
- Compromise means that you are willing to do something you initially do not want to do, and that you are not going to be resentful.
- If you are resentful, that is a good indication that the compromise in you did not come from a clean place.
3. What is in darkness always comes to light - don't hide your feelings to get love.
- Often we do not say how we really feel and tell ourselves it is best to "compromise". But when you deny your true feelings and you compromise, you will always feel resentful.
- What does not come out one way will find another way. I have a friend that used to call this "strange outcroppings". She'd say, You push it down over there, and it pops up over here."
4. Over time, "compromise" builds resentment. Be real, be brave.
- It takes real bravery to have a great life and a good relationship.
- Bravery is difficult and requires that you dig down deep into the core of your being to muster fearlessness.
- To access bravery you must be willing to deal with the anxiety that comes from digging deeper.
5. Listen to your inner voice - it has your best interests at heart.
- Your inner voice will let you know what is going on. It will tell you whether your ego is holding on to having it your way, or whether you can let go with grace and ease and compromise, because it does not always have to be about you.
Chandra Alexander
If you like what you've read, preview and purchase Chandra's books and Cds: http://coachgirl.com/coachgirl/books.html
Chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver twelve coaching sessions to the grand prize winner to their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest,
Chandra Alexander, MSW, has been living and teaching authenticity for the last thirty years in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness. She also spent five years on NBC/TV/Daytime giving a weekly "Reality Check". Along with a private practice in Tampa, FL, she coaches clients all over the world in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness.
For more information, visit Chandra's homepage
Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.
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