Everyone agrees that good communication is the foundation of all relationships, but how do you begin to relate differently if you’ve never been taught a more effective way to communicate? Here is a new way to deliver and receive information that feels good and brings positive results.
1. Say how you feel, rather than talking about what is wrong with the other person.
- The emphasis is on YOU – talk about yourself.
- Be conscious of only talking about your feelings.
- The minute you talk about the other person, that person gets defensive and cannot hear you. When you say how you feel, the lines of communication stay open.
2. Set a timer and take turns talking.
- The best way to learn how to properly communicate is to set a timer. One person talks for three minutes without interruption and then the other person talks. Do this three times, alternating with each person talking for three minutes.
- This method allows each person to talk AND listen to the other, giving the other complete attention. Most of the time when we have a disagreement, everyone ends up talking at the same time. This allows for a complete exchange of information without frustrations or defensiveness getting in the way.
3. When the other person is talking, do not think about what you are going to say next.
- The timer method guarantees that you will get your chance to talk – so don’t get nervous and pay attention.
- This is an opportunity to really listen to what your partner is saying.
- Real listening takes place when you are not thinking of what you are going to say next.
- Can you suspend judgment and just listen? If so, you might just hear something you have never heard before.
4. Be concerned about “feeling right” rather than “being right”.
- After all, isn’t the idea of all communication to have a connection? What is the point of being “right” and feeling completely disconnected from your partner?
- Keep asking yourself, “How do I feel?” If you feel hard and defensive, you are actually pushing the other person away. Take a deep breath, and surrender to the moment, and listen only.
5. All feelings are valid even if you disagree with them.
- What is wrong with someone having a different feeling than you have? We are all different. As long as a person’s feeling does not result in action that is harmful to another, different feelings are what make us interesting.
Chandra Alexander
If you like what you've read, preview and purchase Chandra's books and Cds: http://coachgirl.com/coachgirl/books.html
Chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver twelve coaching sessions to the grand prize winner to their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest,
Chandra Alexander, MSW, has been living and teaching authenticity for the last thirty years in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness. She also spent five years on NBC/TV/Daytime giving a weekly "Reality Check". Along with a private practice in Tampa, FL, she coaches clients all over the world in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness.
For more information, visit Chandra's homepage
Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.
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