Are you in a "sexless" relationship with a partner who does not see this as a problem? If you feel this is important to you, you need to talk to your partner about it now.
1. Have you told your partner that this is a problem? It is your responsibility to speak up.
- Speaking up is the beginning and possibility of change. Unless you speak up there is no changing this situation.
- We are often afraid to say anything because instinctively we know that if we do, the status quo - as we know it - can never be the same.
2. Stop rationalizing and pretending it is okay if it is not.
- There is nothing worse than pretending; it is a denial of the Self and all that it stands for. Pretending sends a message to the inner Self that says, "I am not worth it".
3. You are entitled to want sex and physical intimacy in your life even though your partner does not.
- It is always a mistake to deny your feelings. Regardless of the outcome, you are entitled to have this important component in your relationship.
- Physical intimacy is what makes your feel soft and open towards your partner. It is the feeling you need to have in order to want to "make-up".
4. Does your partner continue to ignore your needs even after you have said this is important to you?
- This is a very important point. No one can ignore your needs unless you ignore them. It is your job to take responsibility for the things you need and to make sure you are being heard and understood.
- If you keep saying the same thing and nothing changes, it is up to you to change the dynamic in the relationship.
5. Do you want to stay in a relationship where your needs are not being met?
- If the answer is no, this means you need to set a boundary, i.e., a new course of action if nothing changes.
- Never give an ultimatum. An ultimatum is a threat. A boundary is not a threat, but simply a statement that says how you feel and what you need in order to go forward.
Chandra Alexander
If you like what you've read, preview and purchase Chandra's books and Cds: http://coachgirl.com/coachgirl/books.html
Chosen by Oprah Magazine as the Life Coach to deliver twelve coaching sessions to the grand prize winner to their prestigious Toyota Moving Forward contest,
Chandra Alexander, MSW, has been living and teaching authenticity for the last thirty years in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness. She also spent five years on NBC/TV/Daytime giving a weekly "Reality Check". Along with a private practice in Tampa, FL, she coaches clients all over the world in the areas of relationships, work and consciousness.
For more information, visit Chandra's homepage
Coaching for Authenticity, a place to explore and discover the essence of who you really are.
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