Universal Health?

A few years back I was at the ballpark with my brother Rick, refusing his attempts to get me to bite on the $4 cokes and $5 nachos-with-a-cheese-like-substance. During a lull on the field, the beer vendor came by and Rick yelled at him, "Hey beer man! You got any broccoli for my brother?" Everybody in our section had a big laugh.

Another time at Christmas, my brother Jeff made me a calendar for the upcoming year. The theme was "Up With Vegetables!" January was artichokes, December was zucchini, and in between was the whole produce section. Actually it was pretty funny. I still have it.

I guess if you want to eat healthy here in the good old U.S. of Trans-fat and High Fructose Corn Syrup, you have to take a little teasing. Especially here in Missouri. Maybe it's different out west in the Land of Tofu. (For the record, I think tofu should only be served in prisons. On second thought, maybe not. There could be riots.)

We hear a lot about Universal Health Insurance these days. On balance it's probably a good thing, but it also scares me. Wearing the Cloak of SuperCoverage, will Americans become a nation of even bigger gluttons? Will we slosh down even more funnel cakes, Fritos, pizza, and Pepsi, foisted on us by our heavily subsidized pushers, Big Food? Will we swallow even more piles of pricey pills and propaganda, making Big Pharma even richer?

It's hard to imagine America off drugs. The economy could collapse. But if we don't get off drugs and surgery, the economy probably will collapse.

Health care is bankrupting us. It's a fact. You can look it up. (The Congressional Budget Office estimates it'll be 25% of our spending by 2030.) And who is "us?" It's you, me, and the universal ATM we call "our government." Any way you look at it, we pay for it. And the crazy thing is, it doesn't have to be this way. Most of our degenerative sickness is self-inflicted. Nobody wants to hear this, of course, because it's much easier to believe in the magic bullet theory: drugs and surgery will save us.

But have you ever really paid attention to the drug ads on TV? "Common side effects include nausea, loss of bladder control, warts, insomnia, greenish tongue, loss of memory, blurry vision, and anal leakage. If your symptoms last longer than four hours, take a different pill." Who actually says to himself or herself, "Heck, that's not so bad, and gosh, these sniffles are so annoying!"

Well, evidently a lot of us. We're off to Walgreens with the insurance card.

The side effects from surgery are just as scary. Do you know how many people die each year from hospital infections, medical mistakes, and bad drug reactions? Hint: it's the third leading cause of death here in the land of MDs (Medical Deities). According to JAMA: 225,000 of us. Every year.

It would be great if some fearless politician would come out and actually tell the truth about this, but it'll never happen. It's political suicide. Plus, they love the magic bullet theory just as much as we do. (Also, they get a lot of money from you-know-who.)

We hear a lot about Universal Health Care these days, but nothing about Universal Health. Not from our "leaders." So it's up to us. I don't know about you, but I'm sticking with my $5,000 deductible. And self-prescribing buffalo steaks, spinach and blueberries. (Local when possible.) Dinner is at 6:30. Right after yoga.