Overcoming Addiction and Abuse - Carolyn's Story

Addiction is a scary thing. It is scary because on some level you know you have lost control, and humans by nature want to be in control. Of course the addicted person will deny this feeling of losing control and will probably do everything they can to convince you otherwise, but inside they know and it is a scary feeling.

Addiction can be to many things: street drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, nicotine, sex, food, playing the role of victim, and much more. But no matter what form of addiction you are experiencing, it all stems from the same core: a feeling of low self-worth. In other words, somewhere inside of you is pain and hurt. Someone once said you are worthless, stupid, can’t do anything right, are in the way, won’t amount to much, or a host of other negative, devastating comments that you accepted as a truth. It most often occurs in childhood when you are impressionable and believe what you are told. Sometimes these things are said with the intent to hurt you while other times they may be uttered without thought or understanding what the treacherous consequences can be.

My own pain first surfaced when I was a teenager. It is oftentimes such a difficult time in life because things are changing so rapidly and parents don’t always agree with their teens ideas and wishes. I experienced this and as I tried to spread my wings a bit, my parents continually clipped them and the name “rebellious” was attached to me. I felt I wasn’t being heard but was instead being told there was only one way to do things and I had better do them correctly or I’d be in trouble. I do believe parents need to give their children guidelines that must be followed, but parents also need to listen to their children and extend to them unconditional love. However, as we know, that doesn’t happen all the time.

I did get through those years but uncomfortable things were happening in my physical body, things like anxiety, nervousness, sleeping problems and something doctors called a spastic colon. It would come and go and I took some over-the-counter as well as prescription drugs to help with these things. Some of the symptoms disappeared but others hung around. College was completed and marriage began. Things seemed okay for the most part and then came the babies. Now I loved being a mom and couldn’t wait to have children, but somehow not everything in the marriage was happening as I thought it would. So now there was friction here and there, teaching piano lessons five days per week for added income, plus several children (eventually five in all), and lots of stressors. I would take tranquilizers at times as well as Librium to calm down my spastic colon, but when I learned we were moving several states away from family and friends, I received a prescription for Valium, even though I was in the first trimester of my third pregnancy.

My new doctor had a hissy fit when he learned what I was taking and refused to give me any more – never good to do when pregnant I learned. I had no choice but to stop cold turkey and get off the tranquilizers. After three weeks or so of shakes, insomnia, crying, poor appetite and horrific anxiety, I began to feel closer to normal again and life became more enjoyable as I welcomed another little one into our family.

Life went on, and I was busy with five children, piano teaching, church pianist, and many things like gardening, sewing, decorating, and the usual cooking, cleaning, chauffeuring kids, etc. But as my older kids
began to leave the nest it hit me that soon they would all be gone and what would I have left. My marriage was less than desirable, I had lost my interest in piano teaching, the kids had been my life and would no longer be around, and I kept getting this scary, sinking feeling inside that my life was not going to hold much good soon. I couldn’t shake it even though people praised me for my accomplishments all the time.
What was wrong with me I would say to myself? Why am I not happy? Why am I sensing doom and gloom around me?




A homeopathic doctor gave me one dose of a remedy for my stress, saying this would help me overcome these feelings. But instead of what he promised, I exploded, like a time bomb. It was as if I had a nervous breakdown in one twenty-four hour period. Little did I know that my life journey was about to halt as it was and do an about face into a totally new direction.

It took me a total of five years to heal from that experience in my life. I couldn’t get a grip on things so I resorted again to tranquilizers, this time Xanax. It allowed me to function but I could see I was needing more to keep somewhat even-keeled, and that I didn’t like. Since I had been studying alternative health modalities and treatments in recent years, I searched for answers in alternative health. I slowly weaned myself off the Xanax and substituted this for safe, herbal remedies that did work for me over time. But I also learned on my healing journey that every physical disorder appears due to an emotional core, and as I researched more into this phenomena, I saw the truth in this.

What I uncovered was my attachment, or addiction if you will, to playing the part of a victim. Every time I told my sad story of my unhappy marriage or mentioned what so-in-so had done to me, that person would feel sorry for me so I’d get their sympathy, and continually recounting the story to people kept me in a constant state of upheaval and unrest. I later learned that every time you share a story it gains power and increases in intensity, so I was continually reinforcing my negative state. A vicious cycle had been perpetrated and it was my doing. I didn’t understand that then, but now I do realize all this was self-inflicted.

Once I recognized that I had chosen this path and had the power of choice to step away from it and create a new story, I began the journey of my life transformation. I also realized that what had been my biggest problem all my life was the way I felt about myself: that I was unworthy of good things, that I couldn’t measure up to the standards set out for me, that I wasn’t talented enough, and so forth. So I was living under the umbrella of a huge case of low self-esteem. I was allowing people to tell me how to think, act, live and be, and much of the time didn’t think I had any choice in the matter. And I also understood for the first time in my life that I was the one who had made the choice to listen to them rather than to my own truth.

I transformed my life into one that is glorious. Every day is exciting to be alive and I have changed everything in my life. No longer do I suffer from anxiety or sleeplessness, nor a spastic colon. All of that is past tense and now I can use what I have learned to help others on their healing journey. I was able to overcome my big fear of speaking in public and now actually train others to be speakers. As a life coach, trainer, speaker, author, angel channel and owner of a healing center called Where Miracles Happen, I can assure you that miracles can happen. Anyone who knew me fifteen or twenty years ago would not believe the changes in me, they probably wouldn’t know me. The joy of my life now is helping individuals like you overcome whatever challenge is in your way from living the life you think you can only dream about having, but in fact, can be yours.

To overcome any addiction you must first and foremost reach a point of being tired of your life as it is, to the degree that you cannot stand living as you are. When you reach that point you are able to surrender and know you need help. No one can make you overcome anything; it has to be your choice and your determination to achieve it. When you reach the bottom and see no way out, that’s when you are ready to listen and accept help from those who’ve gone before you and have overcome. Without your personal willingness to commit fully to the program of help you choose, you won’t be able to recover completely. It took me years to understand this and it was hard work to beat it all. Was it worth it? You bet! A million times over!

What did I have to do? Reframe my thoughts and beliefs so I could create a different outcome, and let go of all old patterns. When I was addicted to tranquilizers and played the victim role so well, I was in chains – the pills and victim mindset controlled my life. I wasn’t free in any aspect and I longed for freedom. Letting go and breaking these chains allowed me to breathe again and create the life I truly wanted. There were coaching sessions, implementing various healing modalities, lots of releasing old beliefs and patterns and replacing them with new positive beliefs, reading, studying, classes, and basically restructuring my entire life. It took some time and much due diligence, but never once have I looked back over my shoulder at my old life and wanted to return.

Let me summarize briefly my journey. My hope is that if your journey looks similar to mine, that you make the choice to change your direction as I have done.

Chapter 1
I walked down the street. It looked like an interesting street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost. I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find my way out.

Chapter 2
I walked down the street. It looked like an interesting street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it - denial.
I fall in again. I can’t believe I’m in this same place.
But it is my fault. It takes a long time to get out again.

Chapter 3
I walked down the street, It looked like an interesting street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it there. I still fall in.
It’s a habit but my eyes are wide open now.
I know where I am and it is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walked down the street. It looked like an interesting street.
There’s a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5
I walk down another street.

And so it is!

If you are seeking a way out of your bondage of addiction and pain, I would be honored to help you. You have to ask for help, so please contact me at info@drcarolynporter.com, 770-663-3991 or 678-445-3309.