The Extraordinary Power of Appreciation

The other day I walked into a local shop to buy some curtains.
I announced my entrance with the words: “Good morning ladies, how are things?”
Wendy the manager piped up: “Wouldn’t mind a raise!” I smiled: “Wendy, what would you really like? Without hesitation she quipped: “Well a ’thank you’ from the boss would go a long way’. Wendy hit the nail on the head, quite innocently she was referring to the hugely underestimated power of showing appreciation. The gratitude effect.

It’s no secret that entire industries like fashion, jewellery, cosmetics flourish fabulously because they are built on our deep desire to be noticed and appreciated. We want to look nice, smell nice and attract attention. It helps us feel good. We like being noticed because that’s how we get into friendships and relationships. We’re social creatures!

On the other hand, the quickest way to annoy or upset someone is to ignore them. My mother taught me this lesson when I was a child. Kids tease and taunt each other. One day when I came home upset from school I remember her saying: “Just ignore them dear and they’ll go away.” She was right. It worked.

Let’s get back to noticing. I have a little mantra . It goes: ‘Gratitude is the glue of connection.’ When I reveal my gratitude and appreciation I let others know that I am noticing, valuing and admiring them. Isn’t this how we build friendships?
When I say or do things that acknowledge your contribution to my life I want you to know that I have noticed and genuinely appreciate you I don’t want you to feel ignored and go away.

These days we’re living under the constant pressure of trying to achieve more, achieve it faster and sometimes with fewer resources. As a result our work is strained, our relationships are stretched and our sense of connection with each other is weakened.

Challenging times like ours provide us with opportunities to discover the real value of recognition, both at work and on the home front.


Perhaps you are aware of feeling a little ‘disengagement’ at work - or at home for that matter? Seeing your effort going unacknowledged is awful. When a child feels that you are not paying attention they sure let you know! We adults are no different except we don’t usually make quite as much noise, we just disengage. Noticing and expressing appreciation dissolves discontent quicker than anything. Test it and see for yourself.! Deliberate recognition works wonders because it is so fundamental to our human nature. Mother Teresa knew this when she famously said: “There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.”

A little while ago I met Tim(36), married three years, one small child. Tim told me his marriage was struggling. “When did you last say something nice to your wife?” I casually enquired. He looked puzzled and said: “Like what?” I hope he didn’t notice how far my jaw dropped. But our short conversation did inspire me to write. So for all the ‘Tim’s and perhaps all the ‘Tina’s’ in the world here’s a few starters for you.
“Hey, thanks for that.”
“You’re always so thoughtful.”
“I like what you’ve done.”
“Thank you.”
“You’ve done more than I expected.”
“I really appreciate the way you...”
“Thanks for taking an interest.”
“Gosh, you were quick!.”
“It looks great.”
“Thanks for doing that for me.”
“You look great.”
“Thanks, that was nice.”

I reckon if you just pick one like ‘thank you’ and work on that for a month your relationships will improve noticeably. There was a headline in the paper recently: ‘”he path to success is paved with thank you’s” However, it feels like most of the people I meet casually every day behave as though they’ve never learned the word ‘thank you.’ In my view, nothing beats the lasting value of an authentic ‘thank you.’ I saw a headline the other day: “The path to success is paved with thank you’s” What about building a ’thank you’ culture into your place or work and in your home?