I'm offering this bit of 'nudging' in the form of a story. I like stories. They stick with me better than the "how to" stuff. And, since I truly do believe that joy is a CHOICE, for me...finding joy has never been that hard. It's right here! So then...onto the story, shall we?
For as long as I can remember, we've had this conversation. We've been friends for a very, very long time; since we were both puppies in a big dog world. I'm the elder of the two (if you're talking earth years) but by not always the wiser. It's a pretty equitable exchange that's worked beautifully for 28+ years. Sometimes she's the mess. Sometimes it's me. Either way, we've always been there for each other, through thick & thin, through good times and the not so good ones. She's my rock. And I hers.
Most recently, we've been having lots of conversation about the choices we make. I'm one of those who believes we create our world. The choices we make, the thoughts we think, the focus we use all contribute to the creation of our masterpiece. We are the artist, this Life is our canvas. Simple? Yep. Easy...well, that depends on who you're talking to.
This woman, this remarkable, creative, incredibly beautiful woman, has long struggled with her own issues of self-love. Her background contributed greatly to this, but I've always believed that you don't have to carry it with you. You get to choose what to take along for the rest of the ride, and what to ditch. Like a sinking ship tosses unnecessary baggage overboard to save the souls on board. Like a child tosses an old doll she no longer has an interest in. Like a hiker reaching higher elevations. Don't carry what you don't need. As she's walked through this self-perpetuated nightmare, she's clung to the promise of new beginnings. She's begun to trust herself more. She decided to consider allowing herself a break. Little by little, the changes began to manifest in ways that were only visible to us. Then something happened that made her really take stock.
Her mother had a very serious accident right before the holidays. She lives in South America, where she's surrounded by an enormous and very dysfunctional family. It's just their way. So my beautiful friend decided she'd go down to give her mother some much-needed moral support until she was ready to leave the hospital. Upon arriving, she began having second thoughts. And third...fourth...a hundred more. All around her she saw what might have been her own life had she not been brought to America all those years ago. The oppression and poverty that abound there were horrifying to her. Not to mention all the many women who live in terror every time they walk down the street. Not a pretty picture, to be sure.
Each day, before retiring to bed, she wrote me long emails, describing her day and all the many demons she faced. She spoke both clearly and candidly about her own feelings of guilt and remorse. She was trying so hard to be brave, but she didn't think she was going to “make it”. And each time I read her emails, I held her close in my heart, praying that she would find the enormous strength I know she possesses. I prayed for her safety. I prayed for her sanity. But mostly, I prayed she would see that this was one of her greatest gifts: to go there and see for herself just how much she didn't need to carry that crap around any longer. My prayers were answered.
Upon her return to the states, I could feel the differences in her. I could sense this stubborn righteousness that I'd never felt from her before. And I could see that she did, indeed, come back here with a renewed sense of self. She realized just how much the old dogmas were not hers. She found a way to detach from that horribly destructive family with love and compassion. She left them there. Without guilt. Without remorse. Without any semblance of shame. She left them there to live their own lives, and made the choice to live hers. Talk about cutting loose the crap. It was one of the most astonishing changes I've ever witnessed.
Today, she has found new love. Not only in a man who adores her, but, more importantly, in her SELF. She finally got to see herself through my eyes. And his. The reflection of love that shone back to her all these years is finally shining from her own eyes. She gets it. She is not looking for love...she IS love. And to her, after all this time, it seems ridiculous that it “took so long”. To me...the timing couldn't be more perfect. Because as it has been said for a very long time:
Everything as it should be, when it should be.
When we finally see that the most important joy is our own, that is precisely when Life becomes LIFE. We are not here to be tested or punished. We are not here to struggle through life. We are here to live joyfully. Lovingly. Peacefully. We are here to L-I-V-E!
Joy is a CHOICE. What do you choose?
Camille Strate
Camille Strate is a blossoming Being who spends much of her time writing. She also spends an immense amount of time crafting magickal treasures out of wood. When she makes time for it, she rolls around in the grass with her dogs and cat, pretending to be 9 years old. More often than not, she's got a smile on her face & a whole boat-load of love in her heart. Visiting
her website is highly recommended.
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